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Gotcha! This is not about Star Trek or Star Wars for that matter. First of all, I am gonna come up straight with my readers. My topics tend to lean towards life and relationships, if you noticed. Hope you all don’t mind the choice of subject and can contribute freely.

Have you ever heard this before, “You don’t own me! I need my own space. Why can’t you understand this?!”. The situation is played time and time again, but with different individuals. “Parent - Kids”, “Boyfriend - Girlfriend” and “Husband - Wife”. My personal view on this has been two-ways. I am pro and against it, depending very much on the delivery and also the situation. As usual, the delivery involves a certain level of tactfulness and focuses on good communication skills. Let’s take a look at the above phrase in the Boyfriend - Girlfriend scenario. For simplicity sake, the person uttering those words will be the Girlfriend, hence forth known as GF and the person listening, is the Boyfriend (BF).

What do you think usually happens in this case? I believe, the BF is usually left with an ambiguous interpretation of the word “space”. How much space does the GF need? How long should the BF back off before maintaining the “new” borders? This can all be avoided, if the GF provided some indication, but as we know, in the heat of the moment things can get out of hand and some words may accidently fly. It is imperative, that both communicate clearly to ensure this situation does not occur in the future. Perhaps it is a little too idealistic of me, let’s aim for “minimize” these occurances. Now, what I meant by delivery was, the GF should state this as calmly as possible and quit using the “blame-game”. I know he maybe driving her crazy, but there is always 2 sides to a coin. She could also elaborate on what she meant by space and how much she deems, necessary to her needs. Why should she do this? From the BF egoistic perspective, I would be deeply hurt and resent the fact that she did not understand the reason for my actions. If the subject was approached nicely, the percentage of a following conversation should be not too far off.

Now let’s take a stroll through the mind of men. Well, mine to be more accurate. It could be either over-protective and controlling BF #1 or a totally laidback dude, BF #2. Both are gonna run into troubles with the GF sooner or later. My prediction, BF #1 is gonna hear that phrase up there, sooner than BF #2. However, I am betting BF #2 will not be far-off from hearing it too! Being too laidback has it’s ups and downs. The GF may enjoy it at first, but then notice he is neglecting her. That will end up in Phrase #2 (*grins*), “You don’t love and care about me anymore?!!!”. Hoo boy, a whole can of worms, ain’t it. BF #2 won’t know how much caring and attention she craves and maybe go on a control/protective freak mode. So, BF #2 has just joined the ranks of BF #1. The solution for BF #1 is to ask GF how much space she needs and then adjust. Ease of the control and over-protectiveness. For BF #2, he needs to tighten up the slack a bit to show he cares. He is better off asking the GF how much care and attention she needs or if he is smart, then do it one bit at a time until he hits the comfortable zone.

Sounds tough, right? No one said life was easy, even moreso when it comes to relationships. The key in all things is moderation. Maintaining a fragile balance at all times. When the balance is upset, then a little work through communication is needed. Everyone has their own perception of space. It’s good to think about it and evaluate yours. Have a great day people!