[Nawooz.Com.My]

are people generally afraid of being figured out or familiar? it sometimes baffles me of what we have to hide behind the deepest, darkest recesses of our closets. those bleached white skeletons of some hidden past. are we afraid that the people, who find it would be the one hurt or that they would hurt our skeletons?

slamming the closet door on a person’s fingers a couple of times will get the message through eventually and i guess sore fingers tend to be a mood damper on things. well, perhaps we should all just mind our own business and keep it superficial all the time. won’t be too hard with sore fingers and a good smack put it for good measure.

make sure you lock away those closets and throw away the keys, lest the skeletons escape and are discovered. we wouldn’t want that now, would we.

emo: strange and stupified 

i wonder how it will feel, to start over in a new place. far away from the comforts of home, family, friends and everything we took for granted now. to breath the air in a new country, experience an alien culture and start over from scratch. people tell me it will be tough, but my heart yearns for greener pastures. this feels so wrong, but yet so right at times. why would we want to leave behind everything familiar to us? maybe, i am just trying to run away from my ghosts.

some of my friends tell me i’m like re-inventing the wheel all over again. how do you explain the feelings and emotions, which drives you to this decision? it’s like trying to explain the colours of a rainbow to a person, who was born blind (i apologize if this analogy is inappropriate).

call it a gut feeling or just plain illogical, but this is where my heart seems to point and i usually try not to ignore that voice. have you heard the saying, “common sense is not all that common”? i wish i knew what is in store for me. to know before you take that first step, that might change your life forever, be it better or worse.

in past history, many individuals have been through this situation. bill gates dropped out of Harvard to pursue a different career path. brad pitt was a hotel bellboy before he shot to stardom. who knows, maybe all of us have choices in some point of our lives without us being fully aware of it. crossroads to some lofty destiny. one thing is for sure though, it sure is going to be difficult to turn back and start over, once the decision is made. wish me luck.

emo: restlessness and enthusiastic

there was once i was very hungry. Nay, i was ravenous! suddenly, from out of nowhere i see this bowl of hot, steaming bowl of noodles in front of me. it looked absolutely scrumptious. some minced meat, spring onions, a few slices of fishcake and golden yellow noodles swimming in hot broth. it must have been a gift from the Heavens to this poor hungry soul. what did i do?

i turned the opposite direction and walked away. why? why did i do that? well, it was almost to good to be true, i rationalised in my head, while my hungry stomach protested. when i finally came to my senses and turned around after a few steps, it was gone. at that same exact spot, where there was a bowl of steaming hot, delicious noodles not two minutes ago, emptiness. sadly, i left the area with the ultimate feeling of regret. it was right in front of me and i did not appreciate it or even tried it. it might have been delicious and filled this stomach with absolute joy.

the story above, was adapted from the “Journey to the West” movie. the true meaning behind the story? the Monkey King related, that his only regret in life, was not appreciating what he had found, true and everlasting love perhaps. if only he had made an attempt when the oppportunity presented itself, the story may have a different ending. live without regret. say what you want to say and do what you want to do. before it is too late and the moment is lost. don’t wait for the bowl of noodles to make the first move. 

emo: neutral

this might not be your cup of tea, but there is one certainty in life…death. i am not going to dwell too much on the subject of dying, but i suddenly recall a conversation i had with mei ling a long time ago. it was pertaining to the question, “what song do you want to be played at your funeral?”. her choice…”i’ll be missing you by Puff Daddy and Faith Evans”, which was used to commemorate the death of Notorious BIG.

i have loved both, the video and also classical background of “i’ll see you when you get there by Coolio”. the lyrics expresses my sentiments to the dot. my favourite scene in the music video is where this guy is standing on the edge of a bridge and he takes a step forward into the ocean below. everything freezes at that moment while he is walking off the bridge with his hands raised and eyes looking upward. it really gives me the spine-chills when i watch it.

how many out there are afraid of death i wonder. ever since the passing of both my grandmothers, i have lost that fear. it attribute this to the sudden loss of both. my maternal grandma had a heart attack while we were sleeping beside her and she passed away enroute to the hospital. she came all the way from Thailand to spend her last days with her daughter and grandchildren in Malaysia. never had the chance to let her know i love her, but somehow i think she knows.

my paternal grandma was not so lucky. she suffered a stroke and was bed-ridden for nearly 2 years. it was heart-wrenching to see her healthy body wither into the shell she was before finally taking her last breath. again, i did not grasp the opportunity to let her know i love her. there was no goodbyes to say. i wonder what i would do different, if i was given the chance to go back in time.

emo: down and out of luck

once again, i have plagiarised the work(s) of my blogger mate (what is the feminised version of mate, anyone?). an inspirational piece on being the invited ’spotlight’ or ‘lamp post’ on a couple’s date. for simplicity sake, the term ’spotlight’ or ‘lamp post’ shall be referenced with the abbreviaton, solp. thank you. now back to the topic at hand.

i must say, the feeling of a solp, is the most uncomfortable and often unwarranted feeling i have ever experienced. well, second only to forgetting to ‘zip the fly’, ‘train hasn’t reached the station’ yada…yada. in simple english, zipper open. a lot of derails today. in a spirited bout of verbal diarrhea. so i am chit-chatting with zee (not real name to protect her identity) regarding her experiences being the solp, off late and suddenly i had the inspiration for today’s blog (it’s in the title so to speak).

this was her list:

10) grab her phone and start messaging or texting friends, family and the world (exaggerated)

9) walk away from the couple when the lovey-dovey bits start to get heavy

keep a slight distance when walking with the lovebirds

7) shut up…unless spoken to

6) mind your own business and for once, play with your food *giggles*

5) divert your attention to ‘people-watching’ activities. nice pair of pumps/heels…those are, what 6 inches?

4) yak on the phone on current events (did you know, brad pitt and jennifer aniston broke up?!)

3) grab a mag and flip through it non-chalantly

2) think of an excuse to leave…i think i’ve got some caviar stuck between my teeth. please excuse me..

1) *drum roll* grab 10 clothes, and hide in the fitting room!!!

pretty good tips eh. well, here is mine:

10) pretend to be sick. queue to run and never look back. plus points if you can turn green in the face and barf…you know, for realism sake.

9) seek the asylum of your mobile phone. make sure it’s fully charged, prepaid topped-up, game and MP3 loaded. this has saved my life many, many times

8) always insist on watching horror movies. girls tend to avoid this and so the boyfriends will follow suite. pro-tip, BLOOD! lotsa BLOOD!! from the mouth, nose, hair…ehem…sorry about that. got carried away.

7) pretend to choke on food. popcorns, nachos, that appetizer…you know and then disappear

6) have a friendly conversation with your lobster thermidor dish. order the hardest dishes to eat like crabs and so on. pretend to really concentrate on your food.

5) time for a manicure. examine every cuticle, nail and finger making sure it is all perfect. also, fiddle with your fingers and have some finger games. bonus if you can make some shadow shapes

4) keep looking at your watch as though you are late for something. subtle hints to save yourself. flee! run! scramble! just leave…NOW!!

3) sprained ankles. enough said. either you leave or they carry you throughout their date

2) bring along your pet iguana, mice, cockroach, earthworm or something to keep you entertained. make it gross and yucky. i promise you, they will never ask you to join them again. *Disclaimer* plan might backfire and you will never get invited again, ever.

1) bring another friend along. talk to him/her (preferably from the opposite sex), joke and laugh, basically, make it seem like a double-date. only thing is, it happens to be your invisible friend. one word, FREAAAAKKK!!!!!!!

there, some useful tips for all the solp(s) out there. do feedback if these tips actually helped you become a better solp. we are always here to help. well, almost.

emo: wacky, zany and outright MAD

if i had a time-travelling machine, i would go back in time to hunt the person, who uttered these words, “Aim for the stars, so that if you fall, it would be on the clouds”. how true, is this in reality as compared to idle fancies? i loathe that person for destroying reality by feeding us with lies! i hope that person is happy and i thank you very much dear sir/madam! and what is with those romance novels and movies?! sowing the seeds of vain imaginings in the minds of men (and women). why do they set standards to love and be loved? which brings me to the conclusion that these people, who write the scripts and dialogues are a bunch of liars and idealists with no idea how the ‘real’ world works. STOP POISIONING US WITH ALL YOUR CRAP!

for people, who really value their ‘real’ lives and also relationships, dump those useless deceitful books and get hold of the ‘real’ good stuff. try the mars and venus series by Dr. John Gray. he approaches the subject of relationships with his head in the clouds but with his feet firmly on the ground. now that is more like the real world i know. throw away your preconceptions and start like a clean sheet of canvas, waiting for the painter’s strokes.

i agree that fairytales usually sounds better than reality, but lets face it. how many of us, has experienced fairytale lives? i’ve had really beautiful experiences and memories, but i would never call them fairytale events. so does this mean i am not aiming high enough for the stars. my answer is NO! i am just being practical and realistic. the truth is, you will not be cushioned by clouds. you will just fall through them and land on solid ground. so put your foot firmly down on solid ground and then stroll with your head in the clouds.

emo: angsty and pissed off

i survived my 24th birthday bash, but not unscathed. i still bear the scars from my ‘ruthless’ colleagues. i loved all the gifts (thanks Kym and Yuen Chi!) and also the time spent with all of them. it was only last year, that everyone except a select few actually remembered my birthday and my parents were, sadly, not in that list. must have been the stress or something. anyways, this year seems to have kicked of in slow-mo but hopefully gaining momentum towards bigger and better things. i’m lost now as to what i actually wished for before blowing out the candles. well, i guess it’s coz i am at a very ‘lost’ period, yet again!! hopefully, my birthday fairy will be able to sort through the jumbled wish and grant me all of them? ha-ha. greedy lil’ me.

for now, i guess i wish for companionship. it’s funny how i started out super independent but have come to taste the essence of a relationship and in a blink of an eye, i am left here alone again. the question i ask myself so ever often is, where do i go from here now? every step i take forward seems to place me two steps behind. maybe all i need is a change in environment. i have thoughts of migrating. wonder if it will be anytime soon. somewhere i can start life afresh. like a caterpillar shedding it’s pupa for a butterfly perhaps?

i miss having someone i can pour my scorn and complaints to. a confidante, who will listen, while i unload my heart and soul. is it really healthier to share your problems with someone? in my case, i guess everyone here knows whats up. i do receive a wee bit of comfort in my blogs. it’s the only form of escapism i can afford right now. so to all you bloggers out there, blog on and blog away. let’s share this little comfort all around.

emo: over-spirited or was it the Thai dinner acting up? spicy food and eccentric, late night blogging does not work well i guess.

what to do when you’re faced with unrequited love situations? what to do when the feeling is not mutual? what to do when the other person doesn’t feel like commitment? unfortunately, i have no answers to my questions at this point in my life. it is ironic, because what you give in the relationship is not returned. 1+1 does not add to the sum of 2. somehow it always ends up less than 2.

maybe it was meant to be. you know, written in the stars, sands of time and path of destiny. the problem may lie within me. i don’t quit something i put a lot of effort into. i keep trying and pushing to make it work. it gets old really fast when you suddenly come to the realization that you are dancing solo while the person is looking on. unsure of when to come in, testing the waters and what not. my dilemma then, is when is the time to lay down my sword and raise the white flag? when is enough really enough?

one thing is for sure. i will find all the answers with time. what will i do when the answer is in my grasp. will the pill be bitter or will it be sweet?

emo: touch-me-not and stay-away-coz-it’s ugly

things are already complicated enough in life to go and make it worse. if there is one thing i am thankful for lately, it’s the power of simplicity. too many, whats, hows, whys, whens and whos, only serves to cloud the intention. thinking too much and too little, can be disastrous. having said this, i had the liberty to experience something exceptionally sensational.

how should a guy ask a lady out? the answer i have stumbled upon, is to simply open your mouth, or in my case hands, and A-S-K. the worse that could happen is a ‘NO’ or, the best that could happen is a ‘YES’. be warned that this does not hold true for all women in general, but it sure beats cracking your head on an approach to the subject. it maybe a bit more difficult if you barely know the person, but i think he or she will generally be surprised/pleased that you asked instead of making things complicated. this shall be my motto, KISS - keep it sweet and simple.

so is there a hottie or a hunk you have been meaning to ask? carpe diem people!

emo: starry-eyed but in good spirits

the curse of 4 months, has been broken. i have finally stepped foot in Mid Valley once again. this may not be of much significance to some people, but it is amazing since it was my second home previously. i am flabbergasted with the amount of changes, which have taken place in my absence. there is now a Burger King (Hungry Jack to my American readers) outlet right smack opposite my sister’s workplace.

i have to thank jess for this. if not for the movie, i don’t think i would have gone anywhere after my team meeting. thank goodness we managed to secure 2 tickets for the hilarious flick, ‘Meet the Fockers’, the sequel to ‘Meet the Parents’. we chose the later movie to get better seats but still ended up in the 3rd row from the front. anyway, was glad she was a bookworm as well, so i could hangout in MPH with her and chat about the latest books. if, you are reading this jess, you owe me a couple of books yeah! especially dan brown’s, ‘da vincci code’. man, i went beserk, and only sheer will power and restraint saved me from going broke.

we had an easy lunch over at the Siam Kitchen. thank gawd the service and food did not suck like my previous encounter. i was glad to see everything polished clean. sure beats IMU canteen food eh, jess ;). well my so called early CNY shopping totally blew as they had super ‘RED’ fetish going on. eeeps, why can’t they cater for less color-blind people like me. anyway, scrapped the idea and i think i’ll stick to my last minute frantic shopping spree for it then. we stopped to load up on some illegal cinema munchies before heading to chit-chat over some bubble tea. it’s good to just be absolutely nuts and crap over some nice passion fruit tea. yumz.

the movie started fashionably late, but hey, at least we got to gossip about the ads they were airing in the meantime. the movie was good in my opinion as it didn’t require much thinking. just kick back and enjoy. unfortunately, i had a ronaldo sitting behind me, who thought my chair must have been the adidas official ball. damn yewwww!!!! the day drew to an end and we parted our ways. until i remembered her small gift. ha-ha. it was AWESOME! this totally rocks, jess. will use it wisely.

well, that was my day out of prison in a nutshell.

emo: groggy and semi-charmed. stay safe people. lights out