[Nawooz.Com.My]

u know there is something seriously wrong when i am not asleep by now. it’s 3.30am in the morning here in malaysia. i haven’t got this feeling since ages. as a wise person once told me, when guys are upset, it’s usually to do with two things, money or girls. take your pick. sigh. life is not a walk in the park. there are too many distractions along the way for you to really kick back and enjoy the scenery, the fresh air and the general calmness it’s supposed to bring.

confusion has always been a part of my life. seems like it is an old ‘friend’. which reminds me of the song by Simon & Garfunkel titled: “Sound of Silence”. well that’s life i guess. we just make do with what cards are dealt us. if we got oranges, we make orange juice. if it is apples we get, i’d make cider. ARGH! it’s realling messing with my mind though. funny how you miss something that’s not even there. ironic. tell you what my dear blog, be my voice to say things i have bundled up inside. be my ear for my heart to pour it’s story. be the friend i’ve lost along the way.

seems like my blog is more of a tormented journal right now. well, things have taken a twist and all is not well. hopefully i can weather this trial again. and pray it will blow over soon.

emo: troubled and confused

he’s back again. do you recall smeagol in Lord of the Rings? well, he had an evil alter ego named gollum. well, i must confess that i have a gollum somewhere hidden inside. he goes by the name ‘Morbid Fascination’. he has been an infrequent visitor to me but every now and then he likes to drop by and say ‘hi’, besides making life despairing for me. at times, i feel his presence is unwarranted and irritating, but sometimes, i’m glad for his company. it is basically a love-hate relationship similar to what you see happening with smeagol and gollum. smeagol is the better half but he is gullible and weak. gollum on the other hand is the survival instincts i believe, to ensure smeagol is able to cope with the crap life throws him now and then. back to my alter ego, he doesn’t like me straying much. it’s his blog today. he likes dark thoughts. pondering and lingering every so often. this is often controlled well by exercising caution.

some people conclude that the eyes are the window to the soul. what do you see in mine? do you see him? do you see his dark looks in that trapped cell waiting for the moment to pounce on a sign of weakness. all is not lost. control and focus. it is tiring work keeping him away but he must never show himself again. much harm has come to pass during my adolescent years with him. his hunger for despair and evil is insatiable. sometimes, he whispers softly, pleading to be let out. just for a second, you can almost hear the pain in his voice. the sorrow. it’s a trap. he is sly and cunning. beware! o wayfarer of the plains of dust. beware lest ye thread the path that leads to him!

there are many out there like me. in my journey, i have stumbled upon the same tormented souls as I am. some, i have come to forge friendship bonds with, while others drift by like the fog in a forest. it is comforting to know that you are not alone. he is also pleased to meet his kindred. someday, he may just win this war raging on and when that time comes to pass, i pray that the end would be swift and painless. and preferably alone. thank you for sharing my burden.

emo: dark

this goes out specially to all the single guys out there. have you ever wondered why some drop-dead gorgeous chick would have a mediocre looking boyfriend? some might say that he is downright ugly and isn’t a very good match for her good looks. well, this phenomena can be due to 3 reasons in my opinion.

First reason, the dude could be filthy rich irregardless of his looks. who cares about my boyfriend’s looks when he has a billion gazillion dollars stashed in his Swiss account and i get to use it as i please. i don’t mean to stereotype all women are gold diggers in general but a handful, i trust, go about looking for a mate with this intention in mind. it’s none of my business really. so carry on whoever you are and i wish you the best of luck and a happy life.

The second reason could be more natural, hormones. darwin would be proud of the mention. to ensure the survival of the species, a wee bit of genetics plays a big role in choice of a mate to ensure a match (to a certain degree). there is another theory i concocted based on this second reason which i haven’t had the time to name, but it has something to do with women’s infatuation with badass dudes and some say downright aggresive attitude. meh, i’m opening a can of worms really. moving on…

the third reason is our main focus. this is more of a social thingabob. some men feel intimidated in approaching a good looking woman. they fear the rejection and the aftermath of it, ridicule and a bruised ego. the defense mechanism is to not DO IT! they would rather steal glances nervously than go up and strike a conversation. ok, here comes the good part (purely based on observation and my own opinions). some average dude or not-too-good looking guys gets the good looking woman due to these, BALLS and GUTS (not the stomach mind you). they see past all that hullabaloo and preconceptions that these women are out of their league and give it their best shot. if it works out, hey i got a chick! if it doesn’t, MOVE ON and therefore backing this theory of mine. so ill sum it up into these equations:

1) hot woman + shy guy = lonely nights alone

2) hot woman + ballsy guy = date (or maybe companionship over that drink)

does this make any sense to any of you out there in the dating/hunting scene? i’ve seen many instances of this happening around me and have been discussing this theory amongst other guy friends and i think we may have something here ya know. a lot to digest today. i’ll leave u to figure it out.

emo: depressed and morbid

as the old adage goes, ‘time flies when you are having goodtimes’. but the problem is…i wasn’t even having a good time over the weekends. i spent the better part of saturday morning in a team meeting. got home exhausted but had many things to do. my plan was to run down to the car workshop to have the car battery recharged, put it back in, drive the car to the workshop again to have it diagnozed and then proceed to give myself a haircut. i’m blessed (some say cursed) with the fastest growing hair possible. i have to shave everyday or else i’d look like a ruffian or an escaped convict. 5 p.m. shadows? no sweat, mine comes earlier. does the opposite sex find some form of facial hair attractive? so far, yes and no. some like clean-shaved men while others die for that macho look. but i digress.

so, what really happened was; i got back home after the aforementioned meeting. procrastinated a bit. then got a request to become Mr. Tech-OMG-You-Must-Help-Me-With-My-PC. since it was near the workshop, i figured i’d kill 2 birds with a stone. i grabbed a Tee and shorts, quickly packed my PC emergency medic kit (antivirus and spyware remover, blechhhh) and dump the battery. drove like a maniac to the workshop and was told it would take at least 4 hours for it to be fully recharged. great, it’s 4 p.m. and they close at 7 p.m. i told the guy to do what he could do best and exited that place like a monkey whose arse was on fire. had to be at the place for that sick PC by 4 p.m. Reached there and to my dismay, i was late but early. the person had not yet arrived. skip to a few mouse-clicks away. i found the problem, it was infected with at LEAST 2 viruses and a crapload of spyware. great, the processor usage (brains of the PC) was at 100% all the time. no wonder it’s crawling! you don’t say. so after installing the spywear remover and some tweaking, i find the mother of all problems. it’s infected so bad that nothing else would run. this is gonna be fun i thought to myself. backed up all the important data files and broke the news to the owner of one very sick and dying PC. “I’m sorry ma’am. I tried my best”. words cannot describe the horrified looks i have come to witness. i calmed the person down and inform her that it would be best to put it to sleep. goodbye Dell.

heh, just kidding. i told her i would need to flatten and rebuild her system from scratch. it was the fastest way of killing bargain.exe, accelerator.exe and omg-super-hotsex-blonde-chick.exe. time check, 6.05 p.m. i head back to the workshop and wait till 7 p.m. done and gone. there goes my plans of fixing the car and my haircut.

sunday? summarized version…bad day. end of my blog for now.

emo: stressed and generally grumpy  

ever get the feeling of getting up and go. just leave without a word. i have that feeling all the time. hence my obsession with flying. i am now sitting in front of you my dear blog and wishing i could do just that. *poof* i’m gone…adios amigos. u wanna know where i am now?

i am on a deserted island far far away from civilisation. warm, white powdery sand squirting through my toes with each step. turqouise (sp?) water as far as the eyes can see. swaying coconut palms when the delicious sea breeze dances through. the sheer thought of this escapade makes me tremble with happiness and sorrow. this is my life long dream. to retire to my privately owned island. having a small bunch of close friends with me. a small but self contained and self reliant community. each living in spaced out huts built within the island’s lush greenery. no pollution and no hectic lifestyle. solar power for clean energy which will be complimented by mini-hydroelectric systems.

all the basic living needs like food, shelter, clothing taken care off. then comes the comfort factor. satellite phones and TV ( you have to know what’s going on right?), an Internet-enabled computer (long live satellite technology!) and some other useful tech stuff.

i wonder if other human beings share my dreams. i can live without the stress, pollution, violence, hypocrisy (sp?) and vices the current world endures day-to-day. flipping through the news and papers will prove my point. another war is happening somewhere in the world. innocent people are dying. another murder case. another rape. another death. another brutality. STOP!!!!! why can’t we just all come together as ONE RELIGION, ONE MANKIND with ONE BELIEF and ONE GOD! wouldn’t it be simpler this way. OK, enough of my ravings on this matter. the world will come to see real soon. thank you for listening.

emo: free spirited and restless

sorry, we’re not talking about buses, trains and cars today. i have dreams of flying ala Superman before when i was young. the same dream played again when i was in my late teens. ok my dear readers, close your eyes, think about this carefully. if u had a choice between flying or teleportation powers, which would be your choice. just to digress a bit here. flying = take off to the air and able to fly to your destination. teleportation = think of where you would like to be and reappear there.

some people don’t like to fly because they are afraid of heights. others say teleportation is tricky and you may end up teleporting into a wall and die. it’s really simple though. which one would you like best and why?

me? my personal taste and attitude would definitely point to flying. i like that feeling of taking off from anywhere to go anywhere. i like to see the scenery stretching below as i fly onwards to my destination. i love the thought of flying above the clouds and try walking on them. free falling and pulling back up to avoid crashing. skimming over the ocean surface. feel the breeze whipping against my face and whistling through my hair. the thrilling feeling of ultimate freedom.

this reminds me of the Aladdin soundtrack titled, “A Whole New World”. if only dreams were real. this post made me happy and sad both at the same time. an ironic start to a rainy Thursday morning.

emo: happy yet sad…and freezing if it counts as an emo ; )

ever since i was young, i was used to being teased the fat kid. even at a young and tender age, kids are subconsciously programmed to hate fat kids and avoid them. so what do you do to make friends in a world where you are not accepted? well, in my case, i resorted to humor to break the ice. i was the class clown in short. this works better when you’re young but still has great potential when making new friends. it’s good to be able to laugh at yourself sometimes as it adds a whole new perspective in life. many of my close friends can attest to this, when i am working i can be dead-on serious but when i’m whacky, i am whacky all the way. it surprises them sometimes when they don’t know you that well and think you have a stick up ur butt. i like to see their astonished faces after seeing the otherside (the darkside) of me.

all this talk about humor and whackiness got me thinking about a question someone once asked me. Why are dirty jokes funnier than clean jokes? have you watched the telly lately? it’s slapstick humor (humour for the English), toilet humor and so on. i myself, agree with this and find good ol’ dirty jokes work best ; ) well most of the time that is. some people don’t perceive it as a joke and are fairly disgusted. to those people, i respect your principles and opinions, but…take a chill pill : ) it’s just a joke.

another one of my observations, why do some people laugh reservedly whilst others let loose a loud guffaw? i mean, if it is really good and you have to…just let it fly…heck, roll on the floor if you feel like it. it only adds more to the joke if you fall of the chair laughing, right? right? so try a nice hearty laugh, chuckle, guffaw or rolling on the floor while grabbing at your sides and wiping the tears from your eyes sometimes. then you can come in here and post the joke as a comment. share it!

emo: mischevious and bored…i think it should be - bored and therefore mischevious ; /