[Nawooz.Com.My]

u know there is something seriously wrong when i am not asleep by now. it’s 3.30am in the morning here in malaysia. i haven’t got this feeling since ages. as a wise person once told me, when guys are upset, it’s usually to do with two things, money or girls. take your pick. sigh. life is not a walk in the park. there are too many distractions along the way for you to really kick back and enjoy the scenery, the fresh air and the general calmness it’s supposed to bring.

confusion has always been a part of my life. seems like it is an old ‘friend’. which reminds me of the song by Simon & Garfunkel titled: “Sound of Silence”. well that’s life i guess. we just make do with what cards are dealt us. if we got oranges, we make orange juice. if it is apples we get, i’d make cider. ARGH! it’s realling messing with my mind though. funny how you miss something that’s not even there. ironic. tell you what my dear blog, be my voice to say things i have bundled up inside. be my ear for my heart to pour it’s story. be the friend i’ve lost along the way.

seems like my blog is more of a tormented journal right now. well, things have taken a twist and all is not well. hopefully i can weather this trial again. and pray it will blow over soon.

emo: troubled and confused

he’s back again. do you recall smeagol in Lord of the Rings? well, he had an evil alter ego named gollum. well, i must confess that i have a gollum somewhere hidden inside. he goes by the name ‘Morbid Fascination’. he has been an infrequent visitor to me but every now and then he likes to drop by and say ‘hi’, besides making life despairing for me. at times, i feel his presence is unwarranted and irritating, but sometimes, i’m glad for his company. it is basically a love-hate relationship similar to what you see happening with smeagol and gollum. smeagol is the better half but he is gullible and weak. gollum on the other hand is the survival instincts i believe, to ensure smeagol is able to cope with the crap life throws him now and then. back to my alter ego, he doesn’t like me straying much. it’s his blog today. he likes dark thoughts. pondering and lingering every so often. this is often controlled well by exercising caution.

some people conclude that the eyes are the window to the soul. what do you see in mine? do you see him? do you see his dark looks in that trapped cell waiting for the moment to pounce on a sign of weakness. all is not lost. control and focus. it is tiring work keeping him away but he must never show himself again. much harm has come to pass during my adolescent years with him. his hunger for despair and evil is insatiable. sometimes, he whispers softly, pleading to be let out. just for a second, you can almost hear the pain in his voice. the sorrow. it’s a trap. he is sly and cunning. beware! o wayfarer of the plains of dust. beware lest ye thread the path that leads to him!

there are many out there like me. in my journey, i have stumbled upon the same tormented souls as I am. some, i have come to forge friendship bonds with, while others drift by like the fog in a forest. it is comforting to know that you are not alone. he is also pleased to meet his kindred. someday, he may just win this war raging on and when that time comes to pass, i pray that the end would be swift and painless. and preferably alone. thank you for sharing my burden.

emo: dark